if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
