WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
