Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize