I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
