Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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