her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
