i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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