She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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