so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
