I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
