You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
