My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
