Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You ate ashes out of my bong
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