so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
