No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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