I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize