4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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