found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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