it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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