I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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