I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
