i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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