Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My liver just had a heart attack.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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