her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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