I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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