mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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