ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
