I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
