We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
