somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
