no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize