Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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