just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
