I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
