I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize