so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
