This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
