At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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