I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize