Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My hand turned me down
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
