I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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