Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
