I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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