Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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