and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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