Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
