Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
