I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
