just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
