I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize