i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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