One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
