if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
im six kinds of drunk right now
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Sext me about skeletons
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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