You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
