My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
