Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
