hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
