I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize