he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
