Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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