Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
