why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
