Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
