do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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