Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
