I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
operation harelip BJ is a go
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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