Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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