stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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