how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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