i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
