So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
