this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize