I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
