I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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