peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
