We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
