I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
