My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
