she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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