that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
