yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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