that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
