our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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