What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
People in love make me want to vomit
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
