When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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