Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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