It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He uses pillows to masturbate.
high people should be assigned attendants
I cut my penus on the lid.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
