you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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