How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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