and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize