all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
