I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
