So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
