I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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