I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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